Thank you 2019

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.

-Green Day

There are many reason why this song is my favorite. The lyrics are spoken so true, LIFE is unpredictable, but everything we go through, good and bad, is for a reason. Whether we can’t see it in the present, it’s always right in the end.

This year has definitely had its ups and downs. There were many wonderful and heartbroken firsts this year. I learned more about myself, and am learning to live a more humble life. Knowing when it’s right to speak up, and when it’s best to just let things be. Learning to let go of the things I can’t control, and to keep reminding myself to live in each moment openly and freely.

My appreciation for life has truly been a big lesson this year. I was fortunate to find someone who loved me, and I loved him. He showed me that life isn’t promised, communication is key, weakness is strength, and vulnerability isn’t always a bad thing. Although our time together was short, I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

Life also showed me that it is also long lived. My great grandmother showed us, even though we may grow a little slow, and need some extra care and assistance, it doesn’t stop our sass from coming through. It does not stop our laughter, nor does it stop us from making more beautiful memories.

Life is a precious gift. And those that continue to be in it make it so much better. My friends that continue to be family, with their own great chapters coming to a new start, or a new end. But is it really an end? Because when something ends, it’s making way for something new to come through. I am so lucky to have the people I have in my life. Being gone in another state, feeling major FOMO when my girls get together and I’m missing, but, I was never missing from the big events in their lives. Engagements, babies, heartbreak, new careers, though we may not be in the same room, we are always there for these moments.

Family keeps growing. And family continues to show me that they are my rock. No matter how far they are, they are always there. Through the good times and the bad times, man have we shared so many. Especially in this year. All of us going through something, like anyone else, but we prove to hold strong for those that need us, even if we’re crumbling inside.

I got to see the land of my grandparents. I fell in love with a country I had only heard stories and seen photos of. I got to live in this country for two weeks, experience part of my culture, fall in love with everything it had to hold. So much so, that it pained me to leave. I wish to return one day, and perhaps buy a home, so that my feet will forever touch there.

I’ve learned that even though you love someone, it’s not always best to keep them in your life. Toxicity is something I don’t want. Although it hurts, especially when these people are family, it’s best to say you tried than to continue with unhopeful pain.

Went into the new year with a career. Ending the year growing my opportunities within the same. Learning new tools, and knowing I am worthy.

Learned to fall in love with myself. Flaws and all. There are days I feel meh, days I feel pretty, and days I feel beautiful—nothing can break my shine. Because of this, I came to learn I attract the same type of people.

This new decade will bring many more beautiful memories, heartbreak, lessons, love, happiness and more. And I’m ready for it.

So here’s cheers to a new year. A new decade. 2020 let’s do this, because no matter what, I’m forever grateful. ❤️

Poetry - Mi Osito 🐻

Today we put you to rest.

It was hard to see you like that. 

Without a smile on your face. 

Without your eyes ablaze with life and taking in every moment.

We mourned for you. 

We cried for you. 

We shared memories of you. 

It pained my heart to see so many people missing you. 

But it also gave me joy to see how much you were loved. 

How much so many people saw the same things that I saw in you. 

The things that made me happy. 

The things that made me love you. 

I was happy to know that I made you happy too. 

And that you loved me just as much as I do.

I know you told me all that before.

But to hear it from others, was a different sound.

I’m glad I brought you joy. 

I’m glad you loved me.

I’m happy to have made the memories, though only a handful, but plenty for me to look back and smile on. 

Thank you for bringing joy and love in your time on this earth. 

Thank you for teaching me lessons I never knew I needed.

Thank you for making me part of your memory.

Thank you for everything. 

Mi Osito. Te amo por siempre. 

Y siempre estarás en mi corazón. ❤️

Young. Wild. & Growing. - My Trip to Guatemala

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Guatemala has been on my bucket list since I can remember. Being able to journey to my Abuelito's homeland, and dive into part of my heritage, has truly always been a dream. Which is why I decided to travel to Guatemala for my 30th birthday. Initially, when I presented the idea to my Mama and told her I would love if she would go with me, she immediately jumped on board. She then said, “If we’re going to go to Guatemala we are going for Semana Santa (Holy Week) in Antigua, which will be before your birthday. I want you to experience that.” Agreeing to the idea, I invited my sister to come along, as most of my life experiences have always included all three of us.

Even though it was my trip, my Mama took the initiative to plan the itinerary since she was lucky enough to live in Guatemala for a month in her youth. She kept an eye on the airline tickets and made the arrangements as to where we would be staying in Antigua, and when we eventually would journey to Tikal.

[*Side note: This was the very first trip that required me to use a passport and get it stamped. I have been into Mexico plenty of times (before it was required to have a passport and all you needed was an ID and your birth certificate) but they were always in locations that were a drive-able distance. Therefore, I never actually got on a plane to fly to another country. This small step was also a BIG check-off on my bucket list.]

Tickets were finally bought this past December and the final arrangements were complete. Having bought the tickets made it real. I was so excited that in five months I would be traveling to Antigua Guatemala.

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Day 1: Travel Day

April 17, 2019 we wake up early and ready to travel to Guatemala. We load up into the car and make our way to the San Ysidro/Tijuana Airport. Arriving to the airport bridge entrance, we fill out the necessary travel documents and proceed to cross over the bridge to Mexico.

As we walk through immigration I get my very first stamp in my passport. We drop off our luggage and proceed to walk through airport security. Once inside the Tijuana Airport and travel nerves a little more relaxed, we look for some breakfast. Our bellies satisfied and veins full of caffeine, we continue to find seats while we wait for our first flight. As we wait, we reminisce on memories and run through the details for our travel day. Once our flight arrives, we find our seats and get comfortable for the 4-hour flight to Mexico City Airport. The first hour or so I read my book and eventually fall asleep for the remaining of the flight.

Landing in Mexico City we make our way through their massive airport terminal and find our gate where we are to fly out of in the next two hours. We are told to keep an eye out on the flight information screens in case there is a change, and turns out that our gate gets changed about 10 terminals down. We haul ass to the new gate to catch the terminal bus to take us out to the airplane. We wait in the takeoff line for about an hour until we are finally up in the air.

Two hours later, and four hours ahead, we land in Guatemala City. A little later than intended, we are ready to stretch our limbs. As we get off the terminal we come to a big sign that says: “Bienvenidos a Guatemala”. We take our pictures by the sign then proceed to fill out the immigration papers for Guatemala before grabbing our luggae. Luggage in hand, we head towards the outside doors, where we walk through immigration--marking the second stamp on my passport. My Mama’s cousin, also my Tio, picks us up from the airport. I have never met my Tio and this was the first time in 30+ years that my Mama and he had seen each other. This would be the beginning of many new introductions to the family we will meet on this trip

It’s an hour of a half drive to get to our destination, Antigua Guatemala. Once we arrive in the little village it is hard to see the beauty that is to come the next day. The major difference you automatically notice however, is the smooth pavement to a cobblestone road. We arrive at the house of my Tia Bety, our hostess for the week, and come upon a beautiful set of doors that open up to a beautiful courtyard shared by two other homes.

We are warmly welcomed by my Tia before she leads us through her beautiful Spanish-style home. Her home opens up to a beautiful outside patio with a grass area and a concrete fountain. As you turn into the corner you are presented with beautiful Spanish glass wooden-framed doors that lead to the inside of the house. A Spanish style staircase that leads to the upstairs and another small pair of stairs leads to the downstairs bathroom. On your left, you are presented into a lavish open living room and a beautiful bright dining room with a large wooden mahogany table. To the left of the dining room, you are welcomed to the high ceiling kitchen with detailed wooden cabinets, a full sink, and plenty of counter space. A window and door leading out to another outdoor patio with a wash sink, washer and dryer, and another small bedroom, which I believe was originally built for a housemaid.

My Tia is kind enough to have some food ready for us to devour and then leads us to the room we will be living in for the next week. As we climb the stairs, the first thing you see is a spiral staircase that leads up to a roof deck where there is a view of Volcan de Fuego and Volcan de Agua. The uniqueness about this house is that everything is very open and everything eventually leads you back to an outside patio.

Our room is adorned with two queen sized beds with iron bed frames, a large-sized chest chair and two lounge chairs on the side. The size of this room represents your typical two-bed hotel room. We are directed to the bathroom we will be using around the corner of the bedroom located between two other massive bedrooms.

Settling into our room and waiting on our turn for the bathroom, we take in the warm quiet night of the pueblo. Once everyone is showered, we settle into our beds ready for some shut eye. Drifting off to sleep, I'm filled with excitement to see what the next day will bring in Antigua.

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Before I continue with my story and the day to day of our vacation, the reason why we chose to go during the dates we went, was for us to experience the procession of Semana Santa (Holy Week)-a tradition that has been held for decades and continues to bring thousands of tourists and locals into the village of Antigua. Besides going to celebrate my per-thirtieth, my Mama wanted us to experience this beautiful tradition.

Semana Santa is meant to represent and celebrate the Mayan culture by celebrating nature, and the walk of Jesus Christ to his crucifixion and his resurrection. The cobbled streets are decorated with “carpets" made out of colored sawdust, fruits, flowers, leaves, and other natural sources. These are then adorned with intricate symbols and designs to celebrate each creators vision and representation. This also symbolizes sacrifice in the way that it can take multiple hours and workers to create these elaborate designs, only to get destroyed once the procession passes through, again bringing back religious representation: Jesus’s walk to the cross. The procession march is formatted by a crowd of people, who represent the various churches and volunteers of each church in Antigua. Throughout Holy Week, you can hear the lively trumpets and drums and smell incense when the procession is near; this route eventually leading to the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I have never seen anything so elaborate as this tradition. This literally goes on 24/7 of Holy Week up until Easter Sunday. You can step out at any part of the day or night and find a new carpet displayed and/or catch the procession march holding Jesus, Mary, and The Cross. Regardless of your beliefs, I truly encourage everyone who is able and willing to see and experience this beautiful and elaborate tradition.

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Day 2: First Full Day In Antigua, Guatemala

Balcony deck at my Tia Bety’s house

Waking up to mocking birds, my Mama, sister and I get ready for the day's exploration. Before heading downstairs for breakfast, we go up the spiral staircase to check out the view. The day is slightly overcast but warm. We can see more than we did the previous night including the two volcanoes and the Cerro De La Cruz, which overlooks the village of Antigua.

We head downstairs to meet my Tia Abuela (Great Aunt) at the breakfast table and our host my Tia Bety. Refusing our help in the kitchen, like any other Latin household, we are served a typical Guatemalan breakfast: eggs, toast, re-fried black beans, coffee, and a small fruit bowl. As we discuss the plan for the day, we clean up the dining table and head out to walk the village.

La Merced

As we make our way to the first destination, La Merced, we can hear the processions echoing throughout the streets. Walking the cobbled streets, we pass by an agency where we set up some tour adventures within Antigua and other parts of Guatemala. After setting up the tours and the times, we continue our route to La Merced. As we come to an open area and turn the corner, we see a lively market where locals are sending their trade-food, Mayan designs, toys, and more, all outside of La Merced.

We still haven't converted our money to Quetzales so we have to pay 3 US dollars each to enter into the convent, this is equivalent to 22 Quetzales. As we walk into the old convent, it's lively with workers preparing their procession floats and we are welcomed by a central courtyard ordained with a massive fountain in the middle in the shape of what looks like a lotus flower.

Fountain in the courtyard of La Merced

My Mama, sister and I make our own way around the courtyard and I prepare to record. As I walk down one of the hallways to a path that leads to where the nuns used to use as their sleeping quarters, I turn into the corridor and I am rushed with an overwhelming grave feeling. Whether you believe in it or not, I tend to have a sixth sense when it comes to the paranormal and spiritual energies. Because of this, I have had various experiences both good and bad. This, however, was a feeling I have never felt before. I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness and sorrow, to the point I actually started crying. My Mama and sister are also sensitive to these type of energies and they both felt the same. I needed to make my way out of that hallway because I couldn’t stand the sorrow and overwhelming sadness of hurt.

*Side Note: My Mama had been to La Merced before when she had come to live in Guatemala in her youth and explained to us that it is said that the nuns were raped and abused while there, which explains the overwhelming sorrow. The only way I can describe the feeling that I felt, is to imagine the saddest, most hurtful thing that can happen to you, and multiple that twice as bad. All you want to do is crawl into the corner of the wall and cry and no longer be a part of this life. This was to be the first out of many experiences I should feel throughout that day.

Once my sister, Mama and I recompose ourselves, we continue our walk-through of La Merced. We walk up to the second floor which is an open rooftop deck. You can see down to the courtyard fountain and distinctly see the design of it below. It is still slightly overcast but you can still see the surrounding volcanoes and mountains covered with trees and homes that overlook the village. In comparison to the first level, it feels really peaceful and serene; you can hear the birds chirping and the echoes of the processions below. We take some photos atop and then make our way back down where we meet up with some family. I get to meet two cousins and an aunt and uncle. Taking a group photo in front of the fountain, we all exit La Merced to make our way to the mercado (market) outside.

Walking through the market, we buy some authentic dolls and continue to make our way to the infamous Arco de Santa Catalina. The village is crowded with people who came from different parts of Guatemala and the world, to experience Holy Week. We make our way through the crowd and more carpets being designed walking towards the arch.

Arco de Antigua (AKA Santa Catalina)

Taking the necessary photos, we walk a little further to Antigua’s Parque Central. The streets are even more lively in this area with tourists and locals selling their trade. One of the things that I noticed was that everyone that was able, was trying to sell something to make a living. Not once, did I see someone laying on the street begging unless they were seriously unable to walk or disabled. Everyone was selling something.

Parque Central

Later that evening we make our way out again to eat dinner with the family. The “taxi” that you can take around the village is known as a Tuk Tuk, which can fit up to three passengers. In the Tuk Tuk, we drive towards the entrance of the village to eat at Casa Santo Domingo. While we wait for the rest of the family, we happen to be right next to one of the procession walk-throughs. As we stand there observing, my Mama gets emotional and just hugs both my sister and I. She's overwhelmed with happiness because my sister and I are getting to experience this beautiful tradition. Once the procession passes, our group makes the way towards Casa Santo Domingo for some delicious food.

Procession for Holy Week

When dinner is over we walk around the hotel grounds which is also land-marked with ruins, including an old church that is still in use today. I don’t experience too much at this location (paranormal wise) but there definitely is an energy present. Tired from the first full day in Antigua, we head back to Tia Bety's house to clean up and rest for the next day's adventure.

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Day 3: More Ruins and Old Churches

Just like many Latin pueblos, Antigua doesn’t fall short to religious buildings and ruins. Today we make our way around almost every church, both active and ruin, each one holding their own unique history. Our first stop is the Iglesia San Francisco which is lively with a great open court and a small market on the outer edges. Looking at the facade of the church you can see the intricate details which include two big bells on the left side with a clock tower. As we walk into the church you are taken aback by the high ceilings and religious murals and sculptures along the walls. Walking around the inside of the church, we see the alters fashioned for that week's processions. Making our way to the side garden, we come upon one of the small fountains that behind it, a mural portraying Antigua and decorated with the national bird, El Quetzal. As we continue along the grounds, we stop to see the small market to see if we can find any goodies. We spend a good hour and a half at Iglesia San Francisco and the market before continuing onto the cobblestone street to the next destination.

Iglesia San Francisco

We pass along Iglesia San Pedro which is connected with an active hospital. We aren't able to walk inside but we are able to admire the yellow and white architecture and details on the outside.

*Side Note: We don't have a set guide or location a to where we are heading, but are enjoying the surroundings of the village's history and colorful buildings, coming upon places we wish to explore further.

Iglesia San Pedro

We come upon Convento Santa Clara, which is one of the bigger convents of Antigua. This spot is particularly popular for weddings and photography. It takes a good hour for us to walk along the grounds in order to really appreciate the architecture and see how over the years, workers have and continue to restore and maintain the building and outside gardens.

Facade of Convento Santa Clara

Courtyard in Convento Santa Clara

While walking the grounds it starts to rain and we take cover under some of the arches until the rain subsides. Walking around it is easy to see why this location is used as a popular wedding venue. The rustic concrete ruins mixed with the lush greenery in the gardens and open-air space, creates a beautiful ambiance.

Top level of Convento Santa Clara

Finishing our tour of the grounds we embark towards my Tia’s house. Along the way, we come to find there is another convent that we can stop into-Iglesia y Convento de las Capuchinas. Like most of the other convents and churches, you walk into a huge courtyard with a fountain in the middle. Stairs lead to the upper level where you can walk into the top balcony of the church that overlooks the open-spaced alter below. As you walk towards the outskirts of the property you come to a lavish garden with views of the mountains and volcanoes surrounding Antigua.

Front of Capuchinas

Inside the church of Capuchinas

Outside courtyard of Capuchinas

Hungry and tired from walking all day, we finally make our way back to my Tia’s house. But not before stopping for another photo opportunity in front of El Arco de Santa Catalina.

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Day 4: Lago de Atitlán

Lago de Atitlán

The alarm goes off at 4:30 AM, my Mama, sister and I get dressed to meet the shuttle bus that will be taking us on the two-hour drive to Atitlán. Before arriving at our destination, the bus pulls off the side of the road to a viewpoint where we get an overlook of the lake and the surrounding pueblos. Luckily it is a clear day and we can see the surrounding mountains and volcanoes, which creates some pretty amazing scenic shots. After a few minutes at the viewpoint, everyone hops back on the bus making way to Panajachel. Arriving at our destination, we are given an hour to eat breakfast at Panaderia Cafeteria Cardamomo where we have another delicious typical Guatemalan dish and take some Scandinavian sweet bread to go.

After we are done with breakfast we go back to the touring agency where we were dropped off to continue with our outing for the day. We get put into groups with our designated tour guides and are given handmade woven bracelets to associate each group. Everyone ready to go, we head through the streets of Panajachel to the lake where we will be getting on a boat to make our tour around the different pueblos along Lago de Atitlán.

The first pueblo we come to is San Juan. As we walk off the boat onto the dock, we hear lively music reverberating from a little cabana. As we continue our walk towards the outskirts of the village, we hear a different tone of music-live Marimba. It gave me such joy to hear live Marimba in Guatemala! We watch them play on the Marimba, shakers, and drums before continuing on.

Marimba Players

Following our tour guide, we are greeted by a very steep road with shops on both sides. As we climb to the top you can take a peep inside the various shops we pass, our guide reassuring us we would have some time to walk into on the way back down. Once we reach the top, a little out of breath, hearts beating, and sun on our backs, we are introduced to the church at the top. As our guide finishes giving us a brief history of the village and the church, he invites us to walk inside the church to take photos before we continue to our next destination.

Once everyone gathers together, we walk down one of the streets and follow our guide to what seems to be a private home. We come upon an open area where two Mayan Indian women are standing in the middle of the small arena-like seating area. They ask everyone to take a seat as we're about to experience the process of “traje típicos de Guatemala” (typical Guatemalan clothing). The two women take turns in explaining the process and how the materials are produced and colored to be woven for various pieces of clothing and accessories.

After the women are done with their teachings, we check out their store and buy a few items. The group comes together and we make our way back down the hill to another local shop where another shop gives us a small tour of natural ointments, soap, shampoo, and teas that can help with various bodily problems and wounds. All mixtures go back to indigenous time which ties into modern-day Guatemala.

Our group then continues down the steep hill to our final tour for San Juan, the Cocoa Factory. They show us the process for chocolate which begins from the cocoa plant, gets grounded and manipulated to create different consistencies of chocolate. The higher consistency of the cocoa, the healthier it is for you. We get to taste various percentages of cocoa and milk chocolate. Before the end of the tour, we get the opportunity to sample some local rum, which was very delicious and smooth! Our cocoa tour ending, my Mama sister and I take advantage of the little time we have left on San Juan and go to look around at the other shops.

San Pedro Docks

Walking back onto the dock and into the boat, we make our way to the next village-San Pedro. Our guide gives us 30 minutes to explore what we can and those who wish to see the church, to join him in the uphill climb to Iglesia Catolica de San Pedro La Laguna. Many of the churches around Guatemala are preparing for Easter and also participating in Semana Santa, and San Pedro is no different. Reaching the top of the hill and walking a couple of blocks, we come upon the big front courtyard blooming with flowers accentuating San Pedro. Another tradition that we become aware of in the churches, the Saints are covered by purple veils and displays of Jesus is placed in a glass case where people can pray and light candles.

Iglesia San Pedro

After a quick walk-through of the church, we make our way back down to the boat to travel to the last village of the day, Santiago Atitlán. By this point, everyone is starving and we are shown to the La Lu Azul restaurant where we have lunch. We are also given a time-frame by or guide as to when we would have to be back on the boat.

Bellies full and re-energized, our guide offers to take us to the village's church, where along the way we can walk through the markets of Santiago. Some of our group stays behind to do some shopping in the lower market, and the rest of us follow our guide to the church. Before getting to the church, we stop at a small monument displaying a replica of Lago Atitlán and the surrounding villages. Here, our guide speaks on the history of the establishments and how everything came to grow to what it is now.

He takes us to another art piece, in the form of a coin with a woman's head bust in the middle. He explains that the Mayan belief of the headdress is traditionally wrapped into the woman's hair, then wrapped in a circular motion up-top the head; this represents the years that the woman will live times-10. We continue to make our way to Iglesia Santiago Atitlán where we are enriched with more historical information from our guide.

Iglesia Santiago Atitlán

As we make our way down the steps leading to the main street, our guide lets us know that we have about an hour left in the town. Everyone disperses their separate ways and my Mama, sister and I stop to get some fresh juice and I also get myself a fresh coconut. As we sip on our drinks, we walk in and out of the little shops looking for our specific souvenirs. Lucky enough to find some of the things we are looking for, the time has run out and we make our way back to the boat.

Cruising along the lake, feeling the fresh specs of water hit our face, everyone is tired and satisfied with the day's journey and the goodies everyone is bringing back. We pull back up to the docks at our original location and follow our guide back to the agency to catch the bus back to Antigua.

Needless to say, we are tired, hot, and worn out from the day's quest. Once back on the bus, everyone grows silent and sleeps the two hours back to Antigua.

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Day 5: Easter

This day, the pueblo of Antigua is in celebration for the rising of Jesus Christ. Some of the streets are decorated with carpets while others show evidence of existing ones. In comparison to the few days prior, the pueblo is quiet, with the exception of bells ringing bringing people into the churches for Easter mass and celebration.

Alfombras de Procession

Otra Alfombra

Some of the parade floats for the rise of Christ

Central Park Church

We walk over to La Merced to participate in part of the mid-morning mass and then proceed to the central park church. We take advantage of the quiet streets and do some shopping in the local markets. Checking everyone off our lists, including our own personal wants and we continue to enjoy the rest of our day with family.

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Day 6: Volcán de Pacaya & Antigua Quad Tour

Unfortunately, some of the side effects of travel is a bad stomach. Needless to say, this early morning I wasn’t up to eating anything before making our way to Volcán de Pacaya hiking tour. My mama had put our water bottles in the freezer that previous night so we still had to wait for the ice to melt to be able to drink it. That being said, I was already ill-prepared for what was about to come. We are on a bus to make the hour drive to Pacaya.

As we get closer to our destination you can see the unique change in the atmosphere-it gets hazey and you can smell the sulfur. As the bus continues it's way up the winding roads, the air starts to clear up. Once at our destination, everyone hops off the bus and takes the necessary bathroom breaks and eats any snacks needed to trek the 3-hour hike up Pacaya. I still haven’t eaten anything for fear of stomach repercussions, and the water bottles are more frozen than melted, and I am a tad dehydrated. To make matters worse, the sun is already hitting hot and heavy.

Our tour guide gathers us up and we follow her to the trail. Luckily, most of the beginning trail is covered by tree canopies. There are others that join us on the trail as well, men and woman on horses offering a “taxi”. My Mama, sister and I laugh that they are calling the horses taxi, but little do I know, I will end up needing this “taxi” to make it to the top.

Welcome sign for Pacaya

About an hour or so into the hike I start feeling really weak and because of the altitude, it is getting harder for me to breathe. So much so, that at one point I have to use my sister’s inhaler which in turn creates a small panic attack because lack of air entering my lungs and I feel very light-headed. My Mama remains calm and tells me to look at her, she then tries to help me control my breathing by having me cover my mouth and nose with my hands and take deep breaths. I try to calm myself and eventually start to breathe normally again, but I still feel like crap. My Mama insists I take the horse the rest of the way up, but being the stubborn person I am, I was adamant about making it up on foot.

We keep walking up until we come to a lookout point where you can see the small homes below and Volcán de Agua. I am still having trouble breathing and according to my Mama, I am pale and do not look well. As the group keeps moving, my Mama insists I take the horse. Refusing, I take a few more steps up the trail and realize that if I keep going, I'm going to pass out. I turn to my Mama and say, “Okay, I’ll take the horse". I pay the man fifteen dollars and climb up on the horse. This is the third time I have ever ridden a horse and I am so grateful for Nene (the horse).

Overlook Point

Eventually, my heart rate goes back to normal and I don't feel as light-headed anymore, and I am able to enjoy the journey up to the volcano. Taking in the scenery around me I am amazed at such beauty and the harmonizing of nature's sound. Another girl in my tour group has also gotten sick, so she and the two men who owned the horses are my companions.

Since we are the only ones on the horse, to not slow down the rest of the group, we go ahead with the two gentlemen who were now giving us information about our surroundings and any general questions we have.

*Side Note: I later come to find out by my Mama that the tour guide we had, wasn’t very good at giving facts about the location. So, I guess, in the end, I got a better tour up.

We get to the top before our group and take some photos before hopping off our horses. Thanking and tipping the men for the ride and giving a little love to the horses too, we continue to walk the remaining trail to a small shop at the top that's facing Volcán de Pacaya. Although feeling much better at this point, I am still fairly weak for lack of sustenance. However, luckily the water has melted enough that I am able to hydrate myself. Once our group gets to the top, we are escorted to the inside of the small volcano shop.

Panorama at the top of the mountain of Pacaya

Me and Nene

The gentlemen inside the shop explain that everything in the shop is handmade and used from the natural resources from the volcano. They explain that last year when the volcano erupted, the people affected, instead of asking for help, came together and decided to create something and sell it to help them rebuild. (Yes, this is an active volcano we are standing on the base of!) As they finish their presentation, the men show us a short video taken earlier that morning-drips of lava oozing out of the lower side.

Volcano Shop

We are given a few minutes to take a look around the small shop and take pictures before we continue to follow our guide through the lava rock rubble to the bottom edge of the volcano. As we reach the bottom of the volcano, you can feel the heat rising from the ground. It's not too hot to walk on, but if you stand long enough in one spot, it feels as if the soles of your shoes are going to melt.

Trail through lava rock

With a big smile on her face, our guide turns to the group, and holding a bag of marshmallows and kabob sticks, asks who wants to roast marshmallows?  My sister and I take up on the offer and stick our sticks in between the rocks where we feel the most heat. Leaving it in the hole for a good five minutes, our marshmallows get nice and roasted!

Eating our roasted marshmallows we make our way back to the outer edge of the bottom and take more pictures. Our guide gives the group the signal to go, and we get up from where we are sitting and proceed to the trail back down the mountain.

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We arrive back in Antigua and head back to my Tia's house for some R&R. We have another tour around the village later that day and want to be well rested and ready to go, especially after the morning we had.

At three o’clock we walk over to the location where we are to have a quad tour around Antigua. Helmets on, and glasses on our face to prevent the dirt from blinding us, we follow our guide through the cobblestone streets to a road that leads up the mountain.

Our first stop on the tour is a place called Earth Lodge. To get to Earth Lodge we have to walk down a hill of stairs and dirt, and upon arriving are welcomed by avocado trees. Entering the property, we get an instant relaxing vibe and a beautiful view of Antigua below. Our guide tells us that we have an hour to sit, relax, and enjoy the scenery before continuing on with the rest of the tour. We order at the small cafe and take front row seats to the beautiful overlook.

Earth Lodge Overlook

Proceeding on our tour we make the walk back up to the quads and got back onto the main road to Cerro De La Cruz. We park the quads and walk closer to the cross. In alignment with the cross are Volcán de Agua and another beautiful view of the village of Antigua. Taking the necessary photos and selfies, we stand at the edge admiring the view. There is something about this view that makes me feel at ease. Looking down at the pueblo, knowing that I am able to experience the land of my Abuelos, makes me so proud to learn and experience my heritage.

Cerro De La Cruz

Riding along the streets of Antigua

Hitting the road once more, we make our way back down the mountain and drive through the town. Occasionally we stop at a few locations before heading up another mountain to a restaurant at the top where we get a backside view of Antigua. At this point the sun is already starting to go down, and feeling hungry we ask our guide if we have time to eat some dinner. With a smile, he says of course and we all sit down at the table closest to the edge to admire the view and the scatter of illuminating lights.

Stomachs full once more, we make our way back down and through the pueblo before arriving where we started. We thank our guide for a wonderful tour and head back to my Tia’s house to relax from our day’s excursions.

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Day 7: Last Day In Antigua

It's our last day in Antigua, and taking full advantage, we walk to any locations we may have missed the days before. Taking another walk towards the arc and central park, we enjoy the less crowded streets of Antigua. Walking into the market once again, I buy myself plenty of coffee to take back home and a shot glass to add to my collection.

Today we take it slow and enjoy the remaining day with our family. We have an early taxi, three in the morning to be exact, to take us back to Guatemala City Airport so that we can catch out flight to Tikal. We enjoy an early dinner at my Tia’s house and share the table one last time with family we have met. Gratuitous for the experience, yet leaving us with a bittersweet feeling.

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Day 8: Petén , Tikal to Isla de Flores

Early that morning, we say our final goodbye to my Tia and thank her for her hospitality the past week. We load our luggage into the back of the taxi, and take off to the airport.

Sitting in the back of the taxi with my sister, I take one long last look at the dusk kissed streets of Antigua. Unanticipatedly, I am overwhelmed with sadness and content. I cry quietly as I continue to look out the window of the cab as we continue to drive through the cobbled streets.

I am so thankful to have been able to live in Antigua the last week. Antigua has become home, and I feel as though I am leaving a piece of my heart behind. I have always dreamed of visiting part of my roots and it touches me so deeply to have been able to do just that.

I definitely want to make my way back someday, and possibly, buy a home out here. I fell in love with the pueblo, the people, and the livelihood of it all.

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Arriving at Guatemala City Airport, we have about a two-hour wait until we board for Tikal. Once the plane arrives we take the shuttle bus to the jet.  

After an hour in the sky, we arrive in Petén. Before touching onto the ground, and sitting at a window seat, I am able to see the beautiful connecting lakes and lush jungle below. Once the jet lands and we step off the plane down the stairs leading to the tarmac, we are welcomed by the humidity and heat of the island.

Welcome sign in Peten Airport

As we walk through the small airport with our luggage in hand, we come upon a gentleman holding a sign for our bus tour to Tikal. We check in with the tour and hand our luggage to the service that will take our belongings to the hotel. As we wait for the rest of the group members to arrive, we make sure to buy water and snacks before taking off to Tikal.  

Locked and loaded, we are introduced to our two different tour guides, one who speaks in English and another who speaks in Spanish. They give us the 411 for the days trip and what we are to expect.

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One of the first stops before the park is at a small shop where the tour guides show us a display model of Tikal. Laser pointer in hand, our guide explains the road map. Along with his explanation, he is answering questions as well as giving us a brief history lesson on Tikal. Some of the facts include not only ancient time facts but also some pop culture facts (i.e. how Star Wars filmed there for the setting of the Jedi Temple).

After giving us a good amount of information, we have some time to walk around the shop to buy any necessities, such as water and snacks. Some, including myself, took a look at their souvenirs and a small display they had inside the shop.

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We load back on the bus and about 30 minutes later, we arrive at the gate of the park. As we drive through my Mama tells my sister and me to keep an eye on the trees to see if we can spot animals lounging around.

Before the bus arrives at its parking area, the guides let us know that we are going to be splitting into two different groups, Spanish and English. For those that prefer to go with a certain group to follow the guide once off the bus. We go with the Spanish guide and follow him towards a trail under the shade to start our journey into Tikal.

While we walk on the trail our guide explains the wonders of nature and the different species of plants and trees that we are seeing. One of which is a very unique tree that the Mayans referred to as Yaxche which means “Green Tree” or “First Tree” in the Mayan language. The Yaxche is considered to be the symbol of the universe in Mayan Mythology. The tree is said to signify the three levels of Earth: the roots representing the underworld, the trunk representing the middle world (where man lives), and the branches are the upper world and the thirteen levels of Maya heaven.

Yaxche

Along the park trails, we run into a variety of wildlife. The most common of which is the coatis, they are everywhere! We also spot some small parrots, other bird species, Tucans, and Spider Monkeys. When walking by the Spider Monkeys, we have to keep an eye out, especially when we walk under them since they tend to pee and poop from up above. Or as our tour guide referred to it, a “blessing”-HA!

Coatis

We continue to walk through the jungle trail to our first plaza stop, the Twin Pyramid Complex. Here, we are able to capture some great photos and courtesy of our guide, listen to the history and the theories of the plaza. We are given some time to climb the steps of one of the twin pyramids. Once those who decided to climb up, including my sister and I, make their way back down, we continue on the trail. We walk across the plaza to where the second twin pyramid stood parallel to the one we had just climbed. This one, however, is covered in trees and jungle growth, but you can still see the steps and the structure underneath.

Twin Pyramid

Continuing on, our guide answers any questions as he guides us through the shade of the canopy, leading way to the main plaza of Tikal. As we approach towards one of the back ends of the plaza, our guide elevates the suspense to the wonder and mystery we are about to see. Coming around the corner of the ruins, there it was, Temple 1, the landmark of Tikal. Standing off to the side of the main plaza the scene is breathtaking. I am in automatic awe with the surroundings and start to imagine the life of the Maya so many years ago.

Main Plaza of Tikal

We make our way down towards the center of the plaza and are given about an hour to explore. Taking the necessary selfies and group photos with my sister and Mama, we take off to explore the main plaza. We go up a few steps to Central Acropolis: Maler's Palace, where we walk into the north side that overlooks the side of Temple I and the main plaza. As we walk inside one of the temples in Acropolis, we come across some of the sleeping quarters.

Central Acropolis

Acropolis viewpoint to Temple i

The structure of the “rooms” are deep within the rock of the temple creating a cooling system inside causing a moistness along the walls. The “beds” are made of cement and layered in a step-like bunk-bed fashion. Each little room can sleep about six people and the bigger room has more space and a larger “bed”.

We stay in the sleeping quarters for a bit as it provides sanctuary from the heated afternoon sun that illuminates the plaza. We continue to circulate the surrounding temples and structures and admire the symmetric and intricate placement of the temples, as well as examining the details each temple held inside. Some of which includes a balcony that overlooks the main plaza.

As we finish our rounds of the temples, we head back to meet up with the rest of our group. We come across more Coatis and a concession stand where they sell drinks and small snacks. Filling up on water and electrolytes, we continue on to the next temple.

A short walk into the jungle we come upon Temple V. This temple is theorized to represent the rain god Chaac because the top of the temple is engraved with Chaac's mask details. Worn over time, you can still see the slight details of the mask's face.

Temple V

Proceeding to the backside of Temple V we come upon another small plaza known as Plaza of the Seven Temples. In the canopies above the temples, we are graced with a variety of different animals. There are Spider Monkeys hanging and jumping from branch to branch, a Woodpecker making its hole in the trunk of a tree, and small parrots and a Tucan hiding within the leaves.

Behind the Seven Temples

The Plaza of the Seven Temples, based on what was found by archeologists, was one of the most inhabitant plazas in Tikal. There is a small ball-court where the Mayans would play Coba. According to our guide, the middle temple out of the seven is said to align all the major temples in the park. What's amazing about it is the thinking process and science that went into building these structures. This particular temple is in alignment with another temple we are heading to. This temple is named “Mundo Perdido” or “Lost World”.

Climbing the steep winding steps up Mundo Perdido, and getting steeper as we reach the top, the climb is completely worth it. The top of the pyramid rises just above the canopy and we get a 360 view of the whole park and the endless tree-lines of the jungle. Although tired and out of breath, we are filled with awe from the view. We can see the tips of the temples in the main plaza peaking through the canopy. We can also see Temple IV, the last temple on the tour, which happens to be the tallest most voluminous temple in the park.

The top of “Mundo Perdido”

Taking a short bathroom break, our guide leads us to Temple IV. To preserve the ruins and safety, a lot of the temples we are able to go up on, have wooden staircases that wrap up the side towards the top of the temples. Temple IV wasn’t as steep as the previous temple, but is still a climb nonetheless. Approaching the top, and looking out through the branches of the trees, we can spot the other temples in the distance. Reaching the top, we are welcomed by another breathtaking view. The backside of Temple IV is closed out, so we are only able to sit upon the steps of the front side and take a peek into the sleeping quarters at the top.

Top of Temple IV

As we sit there admiring the view and engraving it into memory, I feel at peace. I don’t know if it is because of the silence of nature or the fact that we have just experienced such an outstanding history. We are lucky enough to get a glimpse of the lives of the people of Tikal had lived so many years ago. Wishing I could sit up there forever, overlooking the endless canopy and enjoying the cool stone on my back, our time is limited and we make our way back down to ground level.

Mundo Maya is an experience I have always dreamed of seeing. Visiting the home of my Mayan ancestors gave me so much more respect and awe for Tikal.

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Day 9: Last Full Day In Guatemala & Exploring Isla De Flores

Last full day in Guatemala, we enjoy a beautiful complimentary traditional breakfast in the hotel: eggs, black re-fried beans, toast, fruit, and some delicious coffee. Bellies full we make our way back to the room to grab our things to take on our walk around the Isla de Flores to enjoy the warm day. We don't have a particular destination in mind but keep the day open and see what we come across.

After stepping into a small shop to buy some more last minute gifts and souvenirs, we continue to make our way to the entrance of the island where a welcome sign is displayed. As we walk alongside the water, one of the boat owners offers us a tour on the water. He offers 150 quetzales for all three of us which includes a three-hour boat tour with some spots to stop into along the way. Agreeing to the deal, he leads us towards the dock where other small tour boats are sitting and points to the one we are to step onto. The day is getting well into the high 80s and we are happy to be on the water with a refreshing tropical breeze.

Church in Flores

Our first stop on the tour is the small local zoo/sanctuary where we see Spider Monkeys, two different types of Jaguars, Crocodiles, and an array of tropical birds. My favorite part of the zoo is the Spider Monkeys and the Jaguars. I have never seen a Jaguar in such close proximity and it is an amazing sight to see. Being this close to the Jaguar, however, made me grateful that we didn't run into one while in Tikal!

We head back onto the boat and our guide takes us to the far side of the lake. He asks if we want to check out the “treehouse” where we can get a pretty nice view. Before he is able to dock, we see that it is up on a hill and ask if we will need to climb up, and how steep the climb would be. He informs us that it is a pretty steep hike up and kindly say no. Our guide laughs and we tell him how we are very tired from hiking the volcano two days before and an all-day walk around Tikal the previous day. Humorously we insist on taking it slow for the rest of the day and enjoy the boat. He smiles and proceeds to take us around the water while pointing out the various locations we pass. Some of which include a private island owned by the makers of the beer company Gallo. He also took us near another small island where the very first radio station is located on Flores, and still active.

Small lodges on the water near Isla De Flores

First radio station in Flores

After our three-hour tour, our guide takes us back to the docks and we thank him for his kindness and informative tour. We walk back towards the hotel, but not before stopping to buy some fresh pan dulce (sweet bread) and frozen yogurt. By this time, it's starting to get later in the day, so we decide to enjoy the last few hours of sun in the hotel pool and watch the sunset for the last time in Guatemala.

Sunset from the hotel

Surrounded by two people I love most in this world, and able to share this vacation I am filled with content. I am very sad to have to go home the next day and jokingly tell my Mama to tell everyone at home that I lost my passport and have to stay behind. She laughs and we enjoy small conversation before falling asleep. We need to get an early start the next morning to catch our flight back to Guatemala City.

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Day 10: Time To Go Home

Early wake up once again, we pile our belongings into the taxi taking us to the small airport of Peten for our flight back to Guatemala City. Taking off into the sky, I take a nice long look at Isla de Flores before the clouds cover the beautiful green and blue scenery.

An hour in the air we are back in Guatemala City where we have a six-hour layover. My Tio and Tia pick us up from the airport to enjoy some last minute family time. I haven't seen my Tio in almost 20 years and my Tia longer than that, regardless, you never forget familie’s face. As we embrace and make our way back to the car, he runs through the plan for our remaining hours in Guatemala.

We drive towards the center of the city to the central park and “Palacio Verde” or Green House. This is the presidential national palace where the president of Guatemala lives. We walk up to the front of the palace and my Tio sweet talks the tour guide, who generously lets us into his tour group.

Center courtyard of the palace

Walking into the palace you are greeted by a beautiful open courtyard surrounded by open arches of the hallways in the above floors. Giving the guests a brief history of the architecture and the last president to be in the house, we admire the surroundings before continuing on with the tour. We are shown various pieces of art history surrounding the walls of the palace, ballrooms, and "official business" rooms. One of these art pieces includes “Monumento a la Paz”- a monument of peace.

At one point of the tour, the guide plays the piano and sings the National Anthem, as well as one of the well-known songs of Guatemala. (He later tells us that the song was for us. It is meant to leave a lasting impression of Guatemala in our memories and encouraging us to come back).

Hallway of doorways

At the end of the tour, we walk through a massive hallway of arched doorways with every little corridor displaying local art. As we thank our guide for letting us join the tour, he gives us some woven wish bracelets. These bracelets are intended to wish us a safe journey and to remember that Guatemala is always going to be our home. We must have made a great impression on the man because he didn’t give these out to anyone else on the tour. It truly made us feel special and gave us the joy to know that even though we aren't native Guatemalans, we are still considered to be of the people and welcomed. Leaving the palace we take a short walk around the central park parallel to the palace.

Central Park in Guatemala City

Before we head back to the airport we take a little detour to visit our family grave sight. Buried there is my Tia Chatia and my great abuelita. We buy some flowers before entering the graveyard and hire someone to clean the grave markings for us. Even though I never met my great grandmother and only met my Tia Chatia a couple of times before her passing, I was glad to visit our family plot. My Mama was especially touched because the last time she had been in Guatemala was with my Abuelita because my great grandmother was ready to pass. Being at her grave and seeing her plot, filled my Mama with sadness and joy. I never like to see my Mama cry, and seeing how hurt she was, made me sad, but also glad to know that because of my decision to come to Guatemala for my 30th birthday, this moment may not have happened.

A few moments of peace, and placing the flowers in their vases, we make our way back to the car to head back to the airport.

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On the flight home exhausted from the day's travels, I was filled with joy and a tad bit of sadness. Joyful because I had finally been able to visit the land of my Abuelos and experience my heritage. It has always been on my bucket list and I am glad to be able to mark that off before turning 30. I was sad because I truly didn’t want to leave Guatemala, I have left a piece of my heart in the country, especially in Antigua.

This experience was filled with overwhelming ups and very small downs but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I am grateful to have been able to make this trip and to enjoy it with my sister and my Mama, and be able to meet family along the way.

I am also truly blessed to have been able to live to 30 years of life! A new chapter, a new decade, many more things left to cross off my list, but taking each day as it comes. Being grateful, never taking anything and anyone for granted, and overall, never failing to tell those I love how much I love them.

Thank you for joining me on this journey, and I hope you all continue to join me in this beautiful life!

Young. Wild. & Growing. - One Year Life Change Anniversary

One year ago, I moved out of my parent’s house for the first time. It was a HUGE leap of faith and it has been one of the biggest life changes I have made thus far. I want to take this time to reflect on the past year and how much things can change in a year, and how much a person can change.

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Making my move to Seattle was scary, stressful, and filled with many new adventures. In this past year I have seen myself grow immensely and have gained and developed my independence more than I could have imagined. Moving to a new state, not really knowing anyone and so far away from everything I knew, was like jumping into the middle of the ocean with no life vest and all I had to rely on was my strength and willingness to keep my head above water.

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The majority of my life here in Seattle has been amazing in many ways. I have never really been the one to manage my money very well, but moving out on my own has forced me to manage my money and know when to splurge and when not to splurge on myself (Thank you Mama!). I have learned to balance the checkbook and make sure that my bills are paid first, buy the things that I need, like groceries or maintenance on my car, and then put money aside when I can. I have also cut spending money on food outings, this doesn’t happen as often as it did when I was living at home. Now, I tell myself “Aye comida en la casa”, just like my mother used to tell me all the time. As a result, when I do decide to go out to eat I appreciate it more. Since I have stopped buying outside food, I started cooking more. I have always been a cook, but living on my own has forced me to prepare my meals, and experiment with more recipes.

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As a Latina, weekends were meant for cleaning, and just when I thought I would be able to sleep in, nope, Mama would blast Spanish music as a sign to wake up and clean! I used to despise cleaning and I knew I wouldn’t be able to relax the rest of the weekend if I didn’t get my chores done. Now, living on my own, I fully understand the pleasure of having a clean house. Although, unlike living with my Mama, I had to clean up right away and would get in trouble if I didn’t do something right away, now living on my own, I get to choose when I want to get my chores done. However, it never really lasts more than a few days. Once I start to see things accumulate, I get ancy and have to clean it. I have also noticed, living with roommates, that I CAN NOT STAND a messy kitchen. I found myself constantly cleaning the kitchen, because one of my roommates would almost never clean up after herself. So, thank you Mama for passing the OCD cleaning gene. HA!

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One of my goals when I moved out here was to gain a position where I can grow and develop my career. I was giving myself one year to accomplish this goal, and luckily, I made the cutoff a few months shy of a year. I have my foot in the door with a great company and an even greater team that lets me take on tasks more than my job description. They are also very open and willing to help me grow and develop my skills and for that I am truly grateful. I have worked my butt off to get where I am and to finally see my past struggles and frustrations lead me to here, is truly so overwhelmingly humbling. Don’t know what’s to come in the future but I can say that the path looks awesome!

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Overall, this past year has shown me how much I can grow and has given me the experience I needed to grow as an adult. There have been many other highlights throughout this past year, which you can read about in past posts, or just haven’t been told yet. Everything happens for a reason and I was meant to make this life change. I don’t know where this next year will take me, but I know that I am going into it head strong and open to change. Change is unnerving, but if we aren’t open to it, we may miss out on something amazing!

Young. Wild. & Growing. - Self Worth

Self Worth: 

Noun; The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. 

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This seems to be a trending topic when it comes to Millennial adults. Many of us are hash-tagging, captioning and pumping each other up with these two words. But why? Why do we feel that we need to be consistently reminded of our self-worth? I think the reason is that since the boom of the internet and social media, Millennials are the last real generation that remembers what it was like when there was no social media. And bullying was just "regular" bullying. But now, Generation Z's are being targeted not only in person but also through social media. We see more people body shaming, slut shaming, posting things to just get a rise from a significant other or trying to PROVE our self-worth.

What I have also come to see more of is people posting memes or joking around about the other woman/man in their life. Making it seem okay to have your cake and eat it too. Implying that real love does not exist anymore or that it is rare to find. I feel social media has corrupted this "finding the one" for generation Zers and for many Millennials as well. Which brings the reason for this topic of self-worth.

Despite what social media has let us feel about ourselves or that we want the world to see we have our shit together, there are still many people, for the sake of this topic, woman, that feel low with their self-worth. This can be many reasons, some of which may include: not being as fit or as thin as that girl you follow on your Instagram. Not having that beautiful hair, and for many of the woman I have communicated with, their self-worth is usually highly questioned when they've been through heartbreak or have been rejected by someone they really cared for. 

Personally, I fall into all categories. Granted I have since come to recognize my self-worth, but there are times I do question why I wasn't enough, or if it was just me. Nonetheless, I have come to realize what my self-worth is, by knowing who I am. That's where it starts.

Being okay with being alone, and being by yourself with yourself. Really taking the time to see the person you really are and falling in love with your essence. Your good qualities, your personality, your flaws, and generally what makes you, you.

There are still days when I start to think about the hurt I went through and the people that have hurt me to make me question my self-worth. It still hurts when I think about it but because I have taken the time to fall in love with me, I know that I'm a great person, and it wasn't me. I was just not the one meant to continue my life with that person(s). Thus I remind myself of my good qualities and the things that I have to offer. It may sound conceited but all you're doing is a power stance to yourself. 

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Why I chose to speak on this subject is because I feel that this topic has been brought up pretty often in conversations I have with girlfriends of mine. Furthermore, much of the reasons why we (woman) question our self-worth is because someone (usually a man) made us question it. Commonly it being the man we were in love with or interested in, chooses someone else rather than us, regardless of how long/little we were with that person or the type of relationship we had. Once the break-up happens, and soon after they end up with someone else while we're still trying to heal, it gets to our self-esteem even more. This is where a woman really questions their self-worth. (NOTE: I am not blaming men, I am just referring to personal experience and to those close to me.) 

This can take a few weeks, to months, to years to get yourself out of the slump. But you can't let it take over your life. I've had friends that compare themselves to the other person their ex is now with, myself included. I can see the hurt in their eyes, the pain they feel when they speak of that person. I recognize it because I have been there too. 

Males and females question their self-worth. However, we will never find it if we don't take the time to truly fall in love with ourselves. Only then will we realize who we really are and what we have to offer. It sucks, and we will still come upon those moments when we're all alone and start to think about the times we felt our lowest and question, "why not me?". That's when we do a power stance to ourselves and point out all the good qualities. 

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We all have something to offer. However, we are not everyone's type and vice versa. We may meet people in our lives and question why it never happened, and daydream of the what ifs. Along with comparing ourselves to the other person they do end up with, which causes us to question our self-worth.

But, I strongly believe that we meet people for a reason. We become close to some to teach us lessons about ourselves and to grow. It may not always be you, as much as you want it to be, but think about the other person thinking the same about you. The best thing we can do is know who we are, and not waste our time with people who don't see what we have to offer. 

Till this day I still do a power stance to myself. Almost thirty and I am still dealing with self-esteem, after all, everyone does. We think it's an adolescent emotion but it travels with us throughout our lives. We just learn to grow. And most importantly, we learn to really appreciate ourselves. That, is self-worth. 

Young. Wild. & Growing. - Company With Yourself

I've always been that person to enjoy another's company. When I was younger I was afraid of being alone and would always bug someone for attention. Till this day I still bug people for attention, haha but like my mother says, 'You're still an attention hog', like mother like daughter.

I like being social, but at the same time, I can be really shy. When I'm in a new situation or around people I don't really know, I tend to hold back a little. But as I get more comfortable I become more talkative. The worst thing though is when you try to make conversation or be a part of a conversation and the people look at you weird; this used to set me back from approaching people. But as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that these people are not the people I want to be around. With this realization, I tend to find my own crowd or just wander off on my own. 

Even though I am sociable and crave the attention every so often, I have since grown away from my shyness (although it still happens on occasion). I have also come to enjoy my own company. I have friends who are afraid of being alone and always seek that company, even if that company isn't the best. But as I try to explain to them, yes it's scary being alone, AT FIRST, but once you find that inner peace of being by yourself, you start to really see the person you are. You start to pursue things that attract you physically, mentally and give you jitters to even approach. However, that's the best part! You are challenging yourself to explore, to really see what YOU are about without anyone else painting the path for you. 

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I came to realize this at an early age and would slowly start exploring on my own. Just me myself and my thoughts. My favorites of such exploration are hiking or being on the beach. Enjoying the fruits of our nature and hearing nothing but the music in my headphones or reading the words in my latest book. Even better was finding that one spot, away from the crowd and all I can hear peace. Peace of nature's sounds and the peace of my own thoughts, as I live in the beautiful moment that surrounds me. 

Even now, living in a new city where I don't know anyone, and the only company I have is my roommates, whom one I see during morning passing or an evening dinner, and the other travels so often that there has been little time to really enjoy this new adventure together. With this, I did reside in my shyness again, thinking often of home and missing those I would socialize with. But again, I remembered, that it's okay to go out and do things alone, to go explore and check out the scenery. To go to a concert to see that artist I've been wanting to see without having someone next to me. Also to just sit out in nature and appreciate Her beauty. 

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Back in San Diego, I used to do things on my own a lot. Including going to bars to enjoy the latest art show exhibit, or to support a friend and their music. I recall people approaching me, men mainly, asking who I was there with, and I would say-myself. The reaction was always the same, 'why'? And I would say, 'why not' I'm here for this reason so I came. And they would give me a surprised look or look at me weird, like why would a woman be out here on her own? Why not? Of course, there are certain rules you should follow when female and alone at a bar or walking to your car after a night out. But that shouldn't stop you from enjoying yourself. I learned to be confident in my independence and happy to be surrounded by my own company and enjoy seeing the things that I want to see. Sure, the company always makes it better, but we should all learn to be content on our own.

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I truly believe I have learned more about myself being alone than with others. Because when you're by yourself, there is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide who you truly are, and no shame in being TRULY YOU! Once you reach that inner peace, no one can rain on your parade. Yeah being humans we do need to socialize, but we also should take time for ourselves. In the end, you're living your life for you and no-one else.