I recently traveled back home to San Diego for a good long weekend. I was so excited to be heading back home to see my family, friends, and my dogs. However, when I landed in San Diego, and got onto that Lyft and was being driven to my destination, I found myself feeling a certain way. I was excited to be home, but for some reason it all felt so surreal. I remember thinking to myself, why do I feel this way? Then I started to mentally jot down all the possible reasons...
- I moved away to start anew
- San Diego, even though I grew up here, it doesn't quite feel like home anymore
- Will things still feel the same?
- My gosh it's so hot, I'm not used to this anymore
As I reached the front of my parent's house, I thought "I'm home." As I went up the driveway and knocked and rang the doorbell like a crazy person, I was welcomed by a big warm smile and bear hug from my abuelita. It was so nice to feel her embrace again, I hadn't felt that in three months! As I brought my luggage into the house I see my dogs going crazy in the backyard. Both of them jumping on the glass door and wagging their tails uncontrollably. They too greeted me in a way that made my heart soar.
As I walked up the stairs to my old room, I couldn't help but feel the house so empty. Especially when I walked into my old room and all the walls were pretty much bare for the exception of a few frames and artwork of mine. Again that feeling of being home, but it not being home was present once more.
Once my mama and my stepdad got home and got all the love only a mother can give, we all conversed as family dinner was being prepared. Once my sister arrived from work, we all sat down and everything seemed to pick up right where we left off. My sister and I still going at it with our weird inside jokes that no one else understands and my mama asking what my plans were during my visit. That's when it really felt like home.
My visit consisted of art shows, catching up with friends, getting my dance in, family time, and a friends birthday shoot, (photos will be edited and posted soon on my website: lizettphotography.com).
It was nice catching up with everyone and getting that "we've missed you" feeling every time. I also came to notice that a lot of my friends don't get together as much as they used to when I was still living in San Diego. In conversation, I made a joke about me being the glue to the group, and my girlfriend said, "Well you kind of were. You were the only one that made the effort to get us all together. Everyone is just doing they're own thing now and everyone's schedule is different so we don't get together as much anymore." I couldn't help but feel sad and happy; sad because my friends aren't all as close anymore, and happy to know that I was/am that person to bring everyone together once again. I mentioned this to one of my other friends as I said goodbye and he told me, "Welcome to adult life."
As I left San Diego, I was sad to go but so happy to go back home to Seattle. Even though I miss my family and my friends like crazy, I know I need to stop being a hermit and get out there and make an effort to explore and meet new people. As an adult, it gets harder to make friends in a place where you don't really know anyone because the majority have already established their lifestyles and their groups. But the plus side of this is that I can start looking to get more involved in events around my neighborhood or attend certain classes or workouts where I can meet more new people.
Leaving San Diego and coming back to visit, made me realize that I made the right choice for myself. I made the right choice in wanting to start a new chapter, in a new city and a whole new place to explore and find my niche spot. I also came to the realization of that surreal feeling, it's not that I was missing San Diego as much, it was that I was missing the people I left behind. And now knowing that even with the distance, they are still, and always will be connected to my heart. Just as long as I make the effort to keep myself in the loop and knowing that they miss me just as much as I miss them.