"Strength.
A word that gets tossed around to all sorts of people's minds, actions, and instincts. The capabilities of strength are dressed in many forms.
Some have the strength to survive, others have such tremendous physical strength they can be seen as the mythical God Hercules. Others carry strength discretely, quietly, unsuspecting of anyone's knowledge.
But what truly is the definition of strength, I mean if you want to get literal, look it up in Google for the exact definition. But what truly defines someone's strength? Everyone has a capacity level, each individual has different thoughts, emotions, life struggles, loves, family dynamic, you name it. Sometimes we ask for strength through our religious beliefs, and sometimes we just have to pep talk ourselves to be strong; because well, let's face it, no one likes a person too weak, right?
What some people don't realize is that strength coincides with weakness. We try to hide our emotions of weakness and portray them as strength. We work and push our bodies to the utmost breaking point until we physically fall over or finally let go and cry. Letting every evil, hurtful emotion out.
Why this topic of strength you ask? Well in my moment of weakness, I must find strength within myself. Leaving a 4 year relationship that now I feel was all based on a lie. That maybe throughout these years I was just an object, someone to be with for comfort. Perhaps I was truly loved at one point, but when did that point end. Am I still loved? Am I still wanted. Or am I just something familiar. With an ugly end, it hurt, it stung like hell, but, it felt like it needed to happen. I don't know if it's my mind playing games with my heart, but I have this gnawing feeling that our paths will cross again. Yes we keep in contact still, but from what I hear, he has someone else. This someone who has threatened the relationship since the get-go. Someone I always suspected was more than she led on to be. Maybe it was always her? Maybe they had something before and lied to me about it. But I turned a blind eye, thinking, "no he's different, look at the way he treats me" but maybe love doesn't exist. So many couples now a days seem to go through infidelity. Some patch it up and make things work, others hide their infidelity, forever keeping the other person in the blind. But are they really blind? I wasn't, I had my doubts, my fears, my suspicions, but could never prove it. My strength kept me going, to try and work things out. But why chase something that doesn't want to be caught by the one person they said was the love of their life. Can't completely blame the other party, I had my weak points too. It's been three months, why am I still so caught up in this persons life. Portraying strength, telling people he can do whatever the f*ck he wants. It doesn't bother me now. But deep inside, it does. I feel betrayed, lied to, slapped in the face, and all my intuitions about them has come true. So I put up a front, a strength of an independent woman who doesn't need a man. But he was my strength and my weakness. And without him, I feel broken, some days are better than others, but most days I can't help think that he never loved me. And the person he is now is not the person I recognize. They say you get to know people for who they truly are at the end of a relationship than during or in the beginning. They show their true colors. Maybe I'm his weakness, or his strength? Or perhaps even both. This subject can go on an on as a rambling between heart and mind...
But in the end, we have to fuel our weakness with strength. Do things that make us truly happy in an inner world of sadness. Because once we see that our weakness has turned to strength, we rebuild, and things don't look as bad anymore. That is true strength."
This was written a little over a year ago. Re-reading what I wrote I never thought there was so much pain. It's funny how our minds work and express itself when no one else is around to judge. To clarify, much has happened in the past year. Many things have changed, yet many of the feelings still remain. Now they're more of a reflection of those past thoughts.
That being said, a little over a year later, I've decided to share my open self. Be open to the world and post my very first official blog.
We as writers are constantly changing word to paper: we speak in many voices, call to a variety of different audiences, and yet, we don't realize, that sometimes, our strongest works come from being completely transparent; caught in the moment between your thoughts and the words that spill out.
I've always wanted to be a writer, since the day I decided to put pen to paper, and write about the idiotic childish things that happened throughout the day. Since then I made a habit of it, writing about my daily thoughts, the people I would meet, the people that would come into my life and change it for the better, or for the worse. Those entries then grew to short stories, and also developed into poetry. All of which I just may start sharing. Can't give you all the cookies in the jar just yet 😉.
So here I am, Natalie Letona, writing to you. Stay tuned, there is plenty more to come!
A word that gets tossed around to all sorts of people's minds, actions, and instincts. The capabilities of strength are dressed in many forms.
Some have the strength to survive, others have such tremendous physical strength they can be seen as the mythical God Hercules. Others carry strength discretely, quietly, unsuspecting of anyone's knowledge.
But what truly is the definition of strength, I mean if you want to get literal, look it up in Google for the exact definition. But what truly defines someone's strength? Everyone has a capacity level, each individual has different thoughts, emotions, life struggles, loves, family dynamic, you name it. Sometimes we ask for strength through our religious beliefs, and sometimes we just have to pep talk ourselves to be strong; because well, let's face it, no one likes a person too weak, right?
What some people don't realize is that strength coincides with weakness. We try to hide our emotions of weakness and portray them as strength. We work and push our bodies to the utmost breaking point until we physically fall over or finally let go and cry. Letting every evil, hurtful emotion out.
Why this topic of strength you ask? Well in my moment of weakness, I must find strength within myself. Leaving a 4 year relationship that now I feel was all based on a lie. That maybe throughout these years I was just an object, someone to be with for comfort. Perhaps I was truly loved at one point, but when did that point end. Am I still loved? Am I still wanted. Or am I just something familiar. With an ugly end, it hurt, it stung like hell, but, it felt like it needed to happen. I don't know if it's my mind playing games with my heart, but I have this gnawing feeling that our paths will cross again. Yes we keep in contact still, but from what I hear, he has someone else. This someone who has threatened the relationship since the get-go. Someone I always suspected was more than she led on to be. Maybe it was always her? Maybe they had something before and lied to me about it. But I turned a blind eye, thinking, "no he's different, look at the way he treats me" but maybe love doesn't exist. So many couples now a days seem to go through infidelity. Some patch it up and make things work, others hide their infidelity, forever keeping the other person in the blind. But are they really blind? I wasn't, I had my doubts, my fears, my suspicions, but could never prove it. My strength kept me going, to try and work things out. But why chase something that doesn't want to be caught by the one person they said was the love of their life. Can't completely blame the other party, I had my weak points too. It's been three months, why am I still so caught up in this persons life. Portraying strength, telling people he can do whatever the f*ck he wants. It doesn't bother me now. But deep inside, it does. I feel betrayed, lied to, slapped in the face, and all my intuitions about them has come true. So I put up a front, a strength of an independent woman who doesn't need a man. But he was my strength and my weakness. And without him, I feel broken, some days are better than others, but most days I can't help think that he never loved me. And the person he is now is not the person I recognize. They say you get to know people for who they truly are at the end of a relationship than during or in the beginning. They show their true colors. Maybe I'm his weakness, or his strength? Or perhaps even both. This subject can go on an on as a rambling between heart and mind...
But in the end, we have to fuel our weakness with strength. Do things that make us truly happy in an inner world of sadness. Because once we see that our weakness has turned to strength, we rebuild, and things don't look as bad anymore. That is true strength."
This was written a little over a year ago. Re-reading what I wrote I never thought there was so much pain. It's funny how our minds work and express itself when no one else is around to judge. To clarify, much has happened in the past year. Many things have changed, yet many of the feelings still remain. Now they're more of a reflection of those past thoughts.
That being said, a little over a year later, I've decided to share my open self. Be open to the world and post my very first official blog.
We as writers are constantly changing word to paper: we speak in many voices, call to a variety of different audiences, and yet, we don't realize, that sometimes, our strongest works come from being completely transparent; caught in the moment between your thoughts and the words that spill out.
I've always wanted to be a writer, since the day I decided to put pen to paper, and write about the idiotic childish things that happened throughout the day. Since then I made a habit of it, writing about my daily thoughts, the people I would meet, the people that would come into my life and change it for the better, or for the worse. Those entries then grew to short stories, and also developed into poetry. All of which I just may start sharing. Can't give you all the cookies in the jar just yet 😉.
So here I am, Natalie Letona, writing to you. Stay tuned, there is plenty more to come!